December 7, 2015
I’ve posted before about my recurring dream of horses in my care being left without food or water for long periods of time & my realization that this is God’s way of reminding me that He uses my connection with horses to represent the innate wild persona he gifted me at birth. The dream is always a wake up alert that I am too immersed in the top side world & my soul needs more time in the netherworld in order to find nourishment by reconnecting with the wild self that is nearest to Him. I sense the drying out & the thirsting for renewal, but everything in the topside world refuses to give room. The phrase “Do the near duty” is a password between us, but it gets so hard to sort out the real “near duty”. The dream has not visited, but I sensed it being over due. This morning when I went out to feed I opened the tack room door & was greeted with an empty feed bucket which is right for evening, but oh so wrong for morning. I was blindsided with the fact that for the first time in my decades of owning horses I actually totally forgot to feed a ward. I’ve fed & left the pasture gate open so Picasso could continue to graze in the back yard & fell asleep without going back to make sure he was secured in the pasture, but never, ever totally forgot to feed him. Randomly, I purposely skip a morning or evening feed as a dietary rest, but only in the summer when grass is plentiful & never ever in cold weather. But, that is a plan & not an error. This was a full blown horrible forgetting of something dependent on my care. Granted PC has plenty of extra pounds to burn, but he needs warm food in his stomach on a cold night. I absolutely could not believe that the error never registered until I opened the door expecting to find a full bucket of feed. I always mix his morning feed when I feed the night before so that the morning feed is quick if I’m in a hurry for work. There was no denying a night feeding had been skipped. It is my rule when I get home after dark to walk in the front door, gather Bella, & go directly out the back door to feed Picasso. If I’m on the phone it goes with me because the near duty is to feed before anything else is done. I was on the phone the 20 mile drive from Kinderlou followed by return calls to the two people who called during that conversation, but that had never stopped my out the door focus before. Bella was let out & I watched one full DVR episode of NCIS & started a second before I realized I was too tired to finish it. Still, I went to bed & slept all night & Picasso evidently never entered my mind. When I woke up I immediately went into morning duty, turned on the tea pot & headed out the door with Bella. When I opened the door it was a total unexpected shock.
OK, I know this is random rambling to everyone else. But to me it is necessary get your act together recording of major fail. I stopped writing in journals because the shelves are overloaded, but I have to have somewhere to return for reminders of journey milestones. I had to make a road trip for political reasons because it was already scheduled for today. I did the near duty & gave it full focus because it was today’s near duty. When I got home I let Picasso into the back yard because miraculously there is still green grass on December 7. I groomed him while he grazed & wiped him down with insecticide because mosquitoes were covering him. He is of course no worse for the wear of a missed feeding, but that does not excuse the mistake. Tomorrow is a work day & work is always the near duty, but I will be taking a hard look at all my off duty scheduling. Tomorrow is December 8th & duty is calling. Winter is coming to my topside world in two weeks. Wolves never hibernate, but they do pull closer to the netherworld & to their inner circle. I will be ready to submerge myself for the winter quarter. There will still be the near duty of the topside world, but the wild self must needs submerge whenever possible. It is in the releasing of the topside life that one truly gains the true Life with the Father. “April always comes again, but April never comes to all”. Winter is coming! What will April 2016 bring?