2014 The Year of Discovery & Learning


When I looked out my front window this New Year morning I was greeted by a flock of red breasted robins playing in the rain on my front lawn.  I can remember when the annual reappearance of robins meant Spring had returned which is not normally just 11 days after the official beginning of Winter.  Is nature trying to tell us something?  Just last Sunday a friend pointed out that the sun is now setting more southwest than the due west location I’ve seen all my life.  How many times have I found myself staying too long in the woods & thankful for the dependable sunset to find my way home as dark thirty approached too quickly.  Is everything I’ve known starting to slip from my memoried grasp?

I sense a time of great change approaching and I find it both frightening and beckoning.  Back in 1996 when I was living in my birth city Atlanta I experienced a time of awakening which I think was dependent on that location.  Many times I fell asleep writing and most of the things I woke to find had no meaning.  One of my writings told of the fact that the number 666 has many meanings, not just the one people try to pull from the pages of Biblical prophesy.  Six is the number of man and six to the third multiplier is man reaching his ultimate humanism which apart from God is devoid of any creative positives.  I wrote that 666 months is 55 1/2 years which I in vain tred to correlate with various world events.  My first idea was dating from May 1948 when the new state of Israel came into existence.  55 1/2 years would have been November 2003 which came and went as did other possibilities.  Recently it occurred to me that this February will be 55 years since my visit to heaven in 1960.

OK – This was a published blog that disappeared from here forward, so I am reconstructing it to see if it will disappear again.  I know it was here because I accessed it the next day from where it auto shared on my FB.  Anyway, I was wondering if I will come to understand the meaning of the 55 1/2 years between February and August of 2014.  I journeyed to heaven when I was 8 years old during a then un-named illness that had to be treated by consulting with the CDC in Atlanta because they were the only facility who had info and it was nearly always fatal.  I believe it was Reye’s Syndrome because the disease was not named until 3 years later in 1963 and part of my out of body experience was watching and listening to my mom tell everyone who came to the hospital that she had given me aspirin and put me to bed never realizing how sick I was until I was rushed to the ER in the middle of the night.  When Reye’s Syndrome was named the giving of aspirin for flu symptoms was one of the identified precursors & the other symptoms fit.  I heard the doctor telling my parents that if I came out of the coma I probably would not know them.  I remember thinking he was such an idiot because I knew who they were and who he was also while he was saying that.  Part of the experience was after my trip to heaven my childhood seemed to disappear & my thoughts were not those of an 8 year old any more.  It was like I aged centuries even though I was still in a child’s body and still treated like a child.  They said I had a personality change which I guess was their way of explaining it.  I just knew I was not the same little girl who went to bed the night before.  I had no real memories of where I went other than it was wonderful and I knew I belonged there  and have never felt at home in this world since then.  The other big change was that time no longer exists in my world.  Five minutes, five hours, five days are all pretty much the same unless I concentrate on some sort of time and date instrument and I drift in and out of reality unless I fully concentrate on the present moment.  I remember a day in the Main Event gym which belonged to Lex Luther and Sting in Atlanta when a man came all the way across the huge work out room to ask me where  I go between sets.  When I asked him what he meant he said “Honey we watch you and you aren’t anywhere in this world.”  I just shrugged my shoulders and said I’m just passing time between sets because when you don’t have a partner there’s no my turn/your turn rhythm between sets.  He smiled and asked if I wanted a partner and  I said no thank you because I might get used to it and world hoping works for me.

Actually, world hoping is cool, but unintentional world drifting can be a drag in a world obsessed with time.  Many times over the years I have asked God why he does not just fix the time issue, but no deal.  A friend told me about a book she read where a man told about his visit to heaven.  I’ve always avoided reading about other people’s experience because I don’t want to confuse my memories which God has assured me will take on meaning when its time for me to understand what I saw and heard.  I asked if the author said anything about having a problem with time and she said yes, but she did not remember what he said about how he coped with it.  She kept forgetting to bring the book, so in December I just ordered it out of desperation because aging seems to be exacerbating the time discrepancy.  I read the entire book in a few hours and there was nothing at all about time so I guess the friend was wrong.  The book was called 90 Minutes in Heaven and mostly talked about all the pain the man went through afterward which made me keep thinking he would have been much better off to have stayed.  I have that feeling a lot and I had no pain from my experience since it was not from an accident.  He did remember people he knew greeting him in heaven which worried me until  I realized at 8 years old there was no one in heaven I would have recognized.  I did gain insight by realizing that traveling into the spiritual realm does not guarantee a charmed life afterward and time issues in comparison with a lot of pain is really not that bad.  In the Bible God never made life charmed for anyone he called aside so I really don’t need to complain that He does not fix the time warp.

So far I’ve made that realization and I really do think 2014 will be a time of remembering.  I am ready for the journey which will be a living backwards journey whatever that means.  After 55 years I feel the call to go back in time and grasp what I was shown in heaven.  There have been many otherworldly hints through the years and I will remember them like bread crumbs left for returning.

Divergent vs Weird

Crow with berry

When I went to see Catching Fire one of the previews was Divergent which I had never heard of.  It caught my eye because apparently it is about a girl in a future time where everyone tests to be directed into where they belong in society.  Immediately I thought of the UN directive coming down through our local Chambers of Commerce called “Work Ready”. The program does not yet actually categorize into groups, but it reeks of aiming toward mass production of worker bees. I took the test because it is a semi requirement when you are on unemployment.  I tested into the silver group & apparently gold is the optimum & you are encouraged to keep testing for gold. I refused because the test is ridiculous & does not measure any type of analytic thinking – just robotic action/reaction.

My second thought as the preview revealed that she was labeled a “Divergent” because she fell into too many categories making her a threat to the governing faction was how the first time I took the MBTI test I was working in inmate mental health in a correctional facility & was curious what personality type I would test into. I came out with an even score of 44 in 4 different types. When I remarked to the prison behavioral specialist I obviously screwed the test he calmly stated I did not mess up, but I am just a very complex person. My answer was heck I did not need to take a test to know that. My favorite of the 4 is the INFJ because only 1% test into that type & it is the type most apt to have extra-sensory perceptions. I’ve taken the test many times since because it is part of a lot of job interviews as I’ve moved around in contract jobs. Always I test with a foot in all 4 camps & all 4 end in J. I suspect it was part of the reason my forensic psychology profile bombed me out of the final stage of a 6 month long & laborious employment process when on a whim I wanted to get back into the local pd. I went out to use the rest room & was told the psych would call for me in order to get back into the locked room & he never did come so we never got to discuss my test. Of course the other part of forensic psych is the older you are the higher your score for life stressors which is part of why you see so many baby faced new hires. That & I was too honest when he asked if I have ever considered suicide. I answered yes, but the rest of the story is I have no fear of death since I was 8 & when you have a valedictorian son needing GA Tech tuition & you’re on single income the practical thing is to consider life insurance. I would have followed my instinct except someone told me life insurance never paid for suicide. By the time I found out in marketing management classes that only a 2 year restriction is allowed the moment had passed.

My take away from the movie preview is instead of being weird I can now refer to myself as being divergent which digests better. God delivers gifts in strange places – this time in a movie theater.  I also identified with Katniss from the beginning of the first Hunger Games book because we share the penchant for climbing through fences no matter how they are marked if we want to get on the other side




Can we trust our warrior spirits to stand firm in the face of evil?  Are we connected to the source that sits above the playing field?  When the true tests come will we have feet of clay or will we be shod with steel.  Will our feet be bare or will they flash the silver spur of battle?  Wake and ride for the darkness cometh.  Study by the light of day and grow strong by the lesser light of night.  Gather with your pack, study the signs that grow dim to mortal eye.  Rest for a moment while seasons turn upon the winds of our homeland.  The evil darkness seeks to dilute our heritage born on tattered fields of valor.  Listen to the voices on the wind.  Know that life without freedom is a pretty lie and honor calls some to die,  Deep in the heart find your own true way.  Listen to the voices from within.  Touch what our fathers touched and hear their pleas.  Tear down some bridges and build only those that will lead where we need to go.   Seek peace, but not at any price.  Choose a culture where each is authentic and where courage reaches beyond what is too easily grasped.  Let reason be your right footing and passion be your left stride.   Boldly march and ride through the fires of transformation and do not stumble midst the ashes of feudal lore.  Do not cringe or beg or plead for what is already yours or blend too neatly into the collective bog of spiritless conformity.  Integrity must rule above the indignity of blind compromise.  Adapt, but do not surrender your Spirit.  Strengthen your psychic muscle and stand.

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